This person isn’t the only way that you could have your hopes and expectations for a relationship fulfilled though, plus just because they don’t or didn’t fulfil them, doesn’t mean any and all hopes for a relationship are over.
When you struggle to get over the disappointment, it’s because you were over-invested in the potential, ‘vision’, and ultimately the hopes, plans, and outcome that you had set your mind and heart on.
Walk your way through the relationship and work out where you got the illusions from. They seemed so nice and you were looking forward to it?
You hoped that this might be ‘it’ and you could be ‘done’ with dating?
It can cast heavy shadows over one's life, often with lasting consequences, especially when it occurs in love or career.
Taking a bigger picture view, this person cannot meet your expectations. The facts say that they cannot meet your expectations – it’s holding onto the illusions that they can or could have if only X/Y/Z had happened, which normally boils down to, if you had changed, if you hadn’t breathed or put a foot wrong, if you had got them to change, or if you lived in a fantasy world, that’s disappointing you.
Let me say it again – it’s holding onto the illusions that they can or could have fulfilled your hopes and expectations and that your projected future could, would and should have happened, that’s disappointing you.
Don’t try to be a perfectionist or the exception to the rule of shady behaviour – these create unrealistic goals while giving you a realistic but unwanted outcome; pain.
Like conflict, fear, and rejection, disappointment is unavoidable but you don’t have to let it claim you and you certainly shouldn’t use it to make judgements about yourself that leave you with eroded self-esteem. Baggage Reclaim is a guide to learning to live and love with self-esteem by breaking the patterns that stand in your way.